he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
