I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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