She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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