Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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