just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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