She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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