It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
