if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
