I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
