I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
