I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
