it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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