covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
