hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
