I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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