She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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