the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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