My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
