allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
