You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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