she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize