What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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