you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
