when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
