I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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