Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
