That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
