just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
