i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
