I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
