I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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