it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
