WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
