I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
