i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
