i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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