Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
