Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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