I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
