if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
