tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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