shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
