He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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