OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
