Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
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