Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
