dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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