she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize