She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
