Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
