I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
