It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
