when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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