She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
