her vagine was all disorganized.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
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