I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
