in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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