Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
