So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
