; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
