in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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