Cold hands, warm shart.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
