Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize