my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
