if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
