Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
