So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
