Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
