I'm going to rape someone's good day.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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