he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
