he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I did not marry a roomba.
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