i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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