would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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