Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
