The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize