then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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