Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
