Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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