if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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