Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
