There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
