she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I hope mine doesn't look like that
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
