Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
