Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
