Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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