I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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