I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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