1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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