I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
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