i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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