Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
