wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize