eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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