the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
