Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
