He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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