You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
