yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
