mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
