sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize