OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize