like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
